Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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