if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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