My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
