Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
