You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
