smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
