I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
