I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I love having hate sex.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
