What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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