she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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