walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
