If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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