I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
