Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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