Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
