Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
