I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just found puke in my bra..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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