We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
