I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
