the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
