I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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