If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
