i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
