don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
