My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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