i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
