Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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