Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
