I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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