you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
