i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
