I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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