I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
