It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
