Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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