I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
At least make sure they are 18
Why
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
