Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
