All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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