a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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