I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
