Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
