I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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