i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
