Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
