So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
