Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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