I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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