what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
