Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
