They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
