just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
