i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
