remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just gargled with NyQuil
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
