i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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