dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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