I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
