just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
