Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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